And again.... it's been a while....

I told ya'll I'm terrible at keeping up with these things.... Ah well.. But at least I'm here now I suppose.

There isn't much currently going on. I'm at a new job (got laid off from the last one... don't you love this economy) and learning all kinds of new tricks.... at least it's something to add to my resume.

Kids are great.... growing up WAY too fast for my taste but I suppose all parents feel that way. I'll attempt to keep this up better this year. Maybe it will help me work out all the crap that's in my head.

and time goes on...

Sooooo it's been a while since I've done this. Unfortunately I tend to be sporadic about things like this.

So updates: work is great. I'm getting a lot better at web dev. I'm still single though that is of my own choosing (will go more into that later). My kids are great. But sadly they are gone for a month to their Grammy's house. This makes life very lonely for me.

I just celebrated my birthday. And it was fantastic. It was the first birthday in several years I've been able to enjoy. And thanks to my wonderful friends I did. It all started friday night at the clubhouse and didn't end till I came off the river sunday night. It was insanely good with only one disappointment. I was really hurt that one of my best friends blew off my birthday and wouldn't even answer my phone calls when I tried to call her.

My girls are growing up so fast and I worry I'm losing touch with them sometimes. But so often we still talk a lot and about everything. Maybe it's just the same fear every mother of teenage girls feels. I don't know. All I can do is still try.

And onto my lovelife or lack thereof. I go out and as always I hang out primarily with guys (their style of crazy is overt and pride filled instead of the catty, backhanded pettiness of women). Some of them like me and have indicated a desire to date me in the past. I turned all of them down (not just because I wasn't ready to risk my emotions but also because from what I've seen it's a lot of drama when you date inside your circle of friends) but now I am feeling confused and... I don't know. I'm not willing to put my emotions on the line again and most certainly not willing to risk the emotions of my kids. But at the same time I miss the simple things in life that come in relationships. Someone touching my face and playing with my hair. Quiet nights at home laying against someone who cares while I read or we watch tv. Being out and knowing that I am going home with someone who cares (currently I always drive and NEVER go home with anyone). I've been having dreams about a guy I met once at one of my bestie's wedding. I told Tam about it and she thinks that I'm getting to the point that I might be willing to have a relationship again. I'm not so sure. It just seems impossible to me for me to be willing to put my emotions on the line again and I don't know if I'll ever be trusting enough again to feel comfortable in a relationship. And I believe trust is so important.

I don't know. I guess I just feel stuck or something and I can't talk to anyone really because they always want to hook me up with someone.

Ah well I guess I've rambled enough today.

BG

Beautiful Days...

Make me wish I had a motorcycle!!! It's perfect outside. And I'm stuck in my office. This blows.

So for anyone wanting an update on my lovelife or lack thereof... as if I have tons of followers lmao... I still sort of talk to the hottie from the beach but that relationship is perfect just as it is.. So I went on two dates with "clingy guy" and he's still driving me nuts. But he's really nice so I'm trying not to be a bitch. I've told him several times that I don't want a relationship... he says he understands but apparently he doesn't because he acts like a very clingy boyfried.

I give up. Not sure I'm ready for a real relationship anyways. I just wanted to date and get my ex out of my brain. That worked. But I REALLY like being single and don't want that messed with. I guess it's been too long since I was able to just be myself and just worry about making me and my kids happy. There is something really nice about being on my own and not needing anyone.

Okay so I'm not a basketball person and only ever make friendly bets right before a UFC fight or college football game. But I decided to fill out the whole ESPN bracket thing for March Madness... and it's madness. more of my teams have won than lost yet it's listing me with a 22.41%. FTW?! Someone explain that to me!

Okay so I've screwed around while I should be working long enough. Ya'll have a GREAT day!!!

BG

Updates and a sucky day

Okay, to update on the whole guy thing. He did get back up with me. He wants to see me this weekend and I was planning to go since I have no kids this weekend. (this is where the sucky day starts)

I was supposed to get paid today, now mind you I've been dealing with payroll issues for a fucking month or more now. And apparently since the lady that handles the accounting is at the hospital with her adult child we aren't getting paid today because she isn't there to do it. Now normally I would be a very sympathetic person, however this whole in the hospital dying thing has been going on for the better part of a year, and I'm supposed to be paid via direct deposit. So my thought is that a) knowing her child was like this she should have prepared better while she was at work last week and emailed me concerning my bank account... and b) it's fucking direct deposit, she should have been smart and had everything set up for the banks to do all the work today. How fucking hard is this people!?

So now I won't get to see that guy this weekend. I don't even have money for gas and groceries. I'm not like the people I work with, I've been paid so little for so long I live hand to mouth and haven't been on this job (or had my pay straight for that matter) long enough to have anything put up. I don't have credit cards to fall back on like they do. This whole thing is bullshit and I'm pissed. For the love of God my kid needs tampons and I can't even go buy them. Do you know what kind of horrible parent that makes me feel like?!

Oh and to revisit another subject... the guy that got grumpy over me seeing that other guy last weekend. So he hasn't texted or talked to me all week still pissy about that. BTW with no real cause since I'm not his gf or anything like that. He texts this morning and asks if I'm coming down. I tell him no and why and then he stops talking to me again... so I text him and ask "so how come today is the first time in almost a week you decided to talk to me"

To which he replies "just been busy. and our attitudes don't match 2 well" WTF?!?!?! So I replied with a lol and have written him off. Cute or not I'm not dealing with a dumbass dickhead!

I guess that's all for my rant today. Or at least for the moment anyways.

Getting sick and other things

Hmmm where to begin? I had a great weekend overall. Met a guy and took him back to where I was staying. It was meant to be a no strings kind of thing and I would let him know if I was going to be back in town again. But I texted him twice since then with no answer and am surprised at the slight twinge of hurt I feel over that. I catch myself thinking about how good it felt to kiss him. And it felt REALLY good to kiss him! He was really nice and a lot of fun. I hope I see him again.

A guy I've been talking to that lives there (who I'm only friends with since we've only met once) got all pissy about that though when a mutual friend told him. I don't understand why he got like that. Especially since he knew I was coming to town and chose to go to Biloxi instead of seeing me. I swear I'll never understand guys!

I think I'm getting sick now. Woke up coughing and my whole body hurts. I hate being sick and need to be well because I think I'm going back to the beach this weekend.

Well I guess that's all. I'm going to try to get some sleep.
BG


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Wondering how I get into these things

Okay, so I have only been single for a half a minute. Well like a week this time. My ex and I have been on again off again for the last three months or so. Before that we were together for six years. Minus his yearly week to month long hiatuses.

So I blew off a lot of friends during that time trying to make him happy, dealt with other women, and more drama that anyone should in a lifetime.

I guess I'm trying to make it up to everyone. So I'm supposed to go see friends out of town this weekend but another friend who never gets weekend nights off has tonight off and wants me to go out with her. Tried to get out of it and she has a way to cover every reason I have not to go. So I'm going then I'm gonna go out of town tomorrow morning to see my other friends.

I feel pulled in a million different directions. Damn am I this much of a people pleaser? How do I stop being that?

BG

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Testing

Okay this is just a test to make sure I got it set up right to post from my blackberry
BG

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry